drama, angst, jealousy

but still calm on the surface. lol

I love how Morgan initiates impromptu parties
I love how brownies bring everyone together
I love how Sam knows every word to the Beauty and the Beast songs <3
I love Beauty in the Beast
I love AnnaMay's random comments, the incredulous looks Miranda throws out, and Lizbets laugh :)

(*side note- Fantastic Mr Fox is a cuss good movie. i definitely recommend it)

I love days without shoes, the second act of Into the Woods and lazy afternoons


I hate that my laptop radomly overheats and burns my legs
I hate that everyone lives in different buildings and next year will be even farther away
I hate that i somehow messed up my hip joint between last night and this morning...
I hate, hate, hate feeling insecure and self-conscious

update (ooooh)

It's been a whole month and i havent written anything! not about spring break, my birthday or anything. sheesh... ok, so semi-update. it will just be random thoughts and won't cover everything, obviously. tell you what, when i write my spring break reflection i will post that and maybe it will help compensate for not spilling the spring break story.

It's Easter weekend! Easter sunday to be exact. It's been a great weekend. I had plans with Christina to go to the beach on Friday, but that didnt exactly work out...
I ended up spending 3 or so hours at the theater waiting for her to get off work because EVERYONE else was at work too. Seriously when did all my friends become so productive? Anyway the theater has been under major renovation. Kennedy definitely has adult ADD with his decorating schemes, but it's interesting.

I listened to some of Bailey's stories and got caught up on all the theater gossip. Watched three first graders play hopscotch around the lobby for a good 45 minutes. :)

Christina got off work and we went to this art show that was in someone's apartment? Not sure somewhere off of Irby street. It was slightly awkward not knowing anyone there, but the paintings were pretty incredible. Wanted to stay for some of the actual performances, but looked like they were never going to get around to it, so we met up with Lauren to go 4 wheeling.

Went four-wheeling at chris's (yep called you Chris again...whatcha gonna do? :p ) dad's place. Tons and tons of land...horses, big tractors and fun toys...four wheeler, golf cart and motorcycle :D

Anyway Lauren drove the four wheeler and it turned into a little bit of mud-bogging. Not too bad but more than i was expecting lol

Then we stood outside and talked to Christina's dad for a while. He's pretty cool. TONS of stories.

And that was pretty much the end of the night...it was a good time :)

* * * * * * * *

So my birthday party with the cousins...omygosh i love these women. We went to Olive Garden first and before we had even left the restaurant we were laughing so hard we could barely finish a sentence. We stopped by grandma's house...can't remember why, think it is because we couldnt decide on a bar...
Anyway we convinced grandma to take pictures with us. The way we were laughing she probably thought we were already ridiculously drunk even though we hadnt had anything at that point. We went out afterwards to some "redneck bar" rachels words not mine....in Coward. Shannons car was the only car in the parking lot, everyone else had HUGE trucks. We were a little overdressed as well and attracted some attention when we walked in. Oh well...got birthday shots again! told you i was going to milk it for all it's worth. Played pool with Rachel whose game definitely deteriorated as she continued to drink...and i may have cheated once or twice. Anyway to sum it up my cousins are freaking awesome...AND i was able to get up at 6:30 the next morning to go to Charleston with my parents. Yes...they were all jealous lol

* * * * *

And a question for everyone out there

Have you ever known a couple who seemed like they didnt belong together at all? I am thinking of two friends and one of them is an incredibly awesome person. Passionate and full of life and she likes to laugh and sometimes be silly. She has dreams and likes to go on adventures. And she is dating someone who the only thing (it seems to be the only thing anyway) that they have in common is that they like each other. And while that is an excellent thing to have in common, it doesnt seem to make up for everything else. I mean..to put it bluntly and honestly...she is a bitch. Not always..but often enough to make the relationship stressful and frustrating and i think it's sad :(
I just don't want dreams to be crushed because the other person doesnt believe in them, or thinks they are stupid. i think that everyone should be in a relationship with someone who supports them. Someone who they can have fun with, and someone who wants them to be happy.

* * * * *

When You're Gone

Found an old notebook (less than a year old i guess) today while cleaning up around the dorm room. Had a few intersting thoughts in them...so...

When You're Gone:

I miss your arm around my waist
and your fingers laced with mine
I miss the way your thumb draws circles on my hand
And the way my curves fit perfectly in yours as i move closer to lay my head on your shoulder
I miss your light touch as you absent mindedly play with the bracelets on my wrist
And the way i get so nervouse when i dont know what to say
I miss the way your smell lingers even after you leave
and when you're gone i wonder how it can hurt so much
to miss something you never had


A Little About Paradoxes

You run until it hurts, so that you can't feel the pain
You want so bad to love, but yet you push it all away
You hide by yourself so that you don't feel alone
You want someone to call, but you won't pick up the phone
You'll never say the words that may finally seal the deal
You just stand back hoping that somehow wounds will heal


And a random rant....

[insert name here] is driving me crazy
scratch that, I'm driving myself crazy by overanalyzing everything
I'm not one of those girls
I hear the voice in my head..it's one of those paranoid whiney ones
The echo of every girl i have ever told to stop being so dramatic.
That's me now...
And the people that say I play mind games...
they have NO idea



hmm...i dont remember going through this angsty stage...but yet, i do. I had just forgotten about it until a few hours ago..
interesting what life does to a person.

finances and BS

For some people, this is quickly becoming old news. However, for me, it is still new and I am still trying to work through it and I like to write my feelings out. Apparently the high school that I graduated from is soon to be no longer in existence. The school is “supported” by a church who felt that it was no longer financially responsible to put money into the high school. For reasons unknown to me (they were not explained at all), they also felt it would be a good idea to “let go” the person that holds CAS together.
I am not going to get into how ridiculous it is for the church to stop supporting the school when they frivolously throw money into other activities (pretty much everyone knows and agrees with the way I feel about that), just know that it is absurd.
What I am going to say is that CAS was a safe place for me through middle school and high school. I changed schools a few times before coming to CAS in the 6th grade. I was met by a very supportive group including Mrs. Audrey and Mrs. Cecelia. These two women have been my mentors for so many years. I would love nothing more than to emulate them when I enter the “real world”. After my dad got a job working at the school, I spent even more time there. It definitely became my home away from home: before school, after school, even some weekend time was spent there.
It was a strange little school, with our own quirks: easter egg hunts, costumes parties, and lock-ins…my Senior Class trip to California was possible the best week of my life. We say it a lot, and it sounds cheesy, but we were more like family than a regular school. Everyone fought…a lot…and we got mad at each other and at the teachers, and they got mad at us. But there were strong bonds made. We knew the teachers loved us, and most of all we knew Mrs Audrey loved us.
The pastor and the board of trustees say they love the students, and they may love them in general, doing their Christian duty and loving their neighbor and all that. But I do not feel that they love the students individually. For starters they do not even KNOW the students. Mrs. Audrey knew the name of every student who attended CAS. She remembered names years later, and she always greeted students by name. She was at soccer games, basketball games and other school events even when it wasn’t necessarily a principal’s requirement. Not only have I never seen the Pastor at any extracurricular event while I was at school, I am not even certain he knows my name even though I have known him for years.
I used to return to CAS on a regular basis just to talk and hang out, because it was so much like my second home. Now I feel out of place, and if I feel this way years after I have left the school, I can only imagine how current students are feeling. I no longer feel like an alumni of Christian Assembly School. The school I graduated from was quirky and annoying and amazing, I knew the teachers and they knew me. The way it is now…it isn’t the school I know, and is no longer mine.
I do not trust the board of directors at CAC/CAS and feel that members of the school should not continue to support a board that so obviously does not support them (no one on the board, not even the pastor sends their children to the school).
I am somewhat torn between hoping it continues to succeed and hoping the administration gets what they set themselves up for…
And my sincerest sympathy to everyone who finds themselves a part of this situation.

birthday!

My birthday is a week from tomorrow!

My wish list in picture form...

No, i don't want a puppy, already have one. I would like for you to donate to your local humane society. The one in florence always needs food and blankets

Yes, please...in brown :)

Dinner and wine

Movie night, because it's my favorite thing ever

Season 4...or 5...or 6 :)

But mostly, just another good year with my family and friends. ILOVETHEMLOTS!

oh, and some pictures! because one day i will make a scrapbook....one day

Tsunami

the earthquake that hit chile (9.8) was even bigger than the one that destroyed haiti last month. Thankfully, Chile has better constuction and architecture. Their country survive although it is a mess.

The fear was that the aftershocks would wash up on Japan, Guam, Hawaii and California as well as many, many more places. According to the news this morning Japan completelely vacated their coast and the waves only rose 4 ft. Which is larger than normal, but no where near catastrophic. Hawaii also escaped, and on the coast of California, the height increase in waves was barely noticed. In fact, a surf contest that was planned was held as normal.

Thank God
the casualty count is staying moderately low for such a disaster

one life

"i've lived many lives in my lifetime"

I think that's one of the most inspirational thing i've ever heard
because after all, who wants just one life...
boring...