not a slacker!

i mean...i am...kinda...but the serious lack of updates isnt my fault
My parents got rid of the internet! (and heat...but that one isnt really their fault)
So when I am at my parents house i can only get internet if i sit ridiculously close to the back door. (which i happen to be doing now) so i can borrow it from the neighbors. any kind of movement will cause the internet to poof out. Which is why it has taken about three hours to write two blog updates. Sorry guys.

I love you.
I miss you
rinse...repeat for all
Happy New Year.
dude just hearing "2011" whigs me out

~later days~

nerf wars!

I got Christina a nerf gun because she said she coudnt remember the last time she had a nerf fight and i thought that was sad. Soooo....i fixed the problem and she spent the night attacking employess...and megan...and me... :)

Got nathan one too. just to make it fair. His is tiny for three year old hands. And he still has a hard time pulling the trigger. Such a cool kid.

We had a nerf fight today. He shoots himself with the gun because he can only pull the trigger with his thumb so he holds it backwards. He kept whispering to Christina to attack me. but the highlight was when he gave me his gun and said "attack sissy!"

really like this kid. anyway, it was a fun morning. Happy New Years Eve!

year in ups and downs

January:
*I’m sure there was a New Years party of some kind…but I don’t remember it

February:
*It snowed. A Lot! And Miranda played in it with me even though she was sick 

March:
*up-Spring Break was amazing. Spent the week rebuilding a house with an incredible team.
*down-Sam’s mom got really, really sick 
*up-did some pretty intense praying which is something I hadn’t done in a while
*up-Sam’s mom got better
*up-my 21st birthday party was so much fun!

April:
*pretty much all of April was really good
*TF Trip to Beufort
*Hope’s 21st birthday
*Jenn officially comes out of the closet (oh snap)
*got into the cottages with my suite! And Sjaan and Sarah! Lots of happy dances

May:
*The beginning was good, the ending was bad. The end

June:
*down-took a chemistry class of doom
*up-passed the class
*down-had my heart fractured slightly (no worries, I’m a quick healer)
*up-solved that by skipping class and going to the beach

July:
*Spent the month in Mexico! It was incredible. My roommate was awesome, my family was super nice, Kristina always kept me laughing

August:
*came back to the states
*met a really cool kid at a bar..whose name I cant remember…don’t judge me. She moved …ok I know I suck.
*anyway, she introduced me to Alex..who introduced me to Lexie. Yay for new friends!
*started school back-got to see my favorite people!
*down-started missing Morgan 

September:
*Pride!
*meeting new people especially Cortney and Dana (once again yay! For new people)
*my kindergarteners!
*Pop-culture conference with Sam and Hope. Good and bad all the way around 

October:
*honors conference. gooooood times =]
*Umm…Halloween?

November:
*down-drama, drama, drama
*up-I have the best suite ever
*up-Christmas lights with Becca!
*up-Black Friday shopping with the cousins!

December:
*Christmas tree lighting
*fun times with the suite
*tattoo!
*back to work
*back to hanging out with people I don’t get to see when I am in school
*I couldn’t ask for a better support system than my cousins (the Fourwheeler) the rest of my family thinks we are insane

I can't be what you want

So i decided to be myself
..and I'm so much happier

I'm not a dyke
I will never be one



Yeah...she's pretty attractive. But she isn't me. Sometimes (ok usually) i'm in a jeans and t-shirt mood (don't we all have those?) But sometimes...

I like pretty dresses and nail polish that changes colors in the sun. I like straightening my hair and wearing pretty rings that sparkle when i move my fingers around. I like heels. I like anklets and earrings that jingle. i like smelling like christmas <3 and in the spring i like smelling like flowers.

I'm a low-maintenance kind of girly-girl
and...i like it <3



*disclaimer-yeah I know that dyke has a negative connotation, that's not the way I am using it. I also know that not everyone uses it to mean "butch" and in this context, I'm not really using that way either. It's hard to explain, but if you've been where i am, you probably have a good idea of what I am talking about.

*sigh*

sad that i have to add a disclaimer to my own blog?

here's the deal...

I didnt have internet over Thanksgiving break, and it is, as you all know, Hell Week at school. So...sorry for the SERIOUS lack of updates.

Thanksgiving break was fun. Got to catch up with one of my good friends i havent hung out with in what seems like AGES. Dinner with the family...all 50+ of them showed up :) Black Friday shopping with my favorite cousins...minus a few who were slack and stayed in bed *cough* Lora, Victoria *cough* still love them though.

So...despite it being hell week and all, the week actually hasnt been that bad. I am doing well. Most of my work is done. And my mood is quite a bit better than it has been in a while. I think I am going to chalk it up to seeing family/friends i havent seen in a while. And some lessons learned.

One thing I have discovered, "When you get bit by a snake, you're supposed to suck the poison out. That's what I had to do. Suck all the poison out of my life." Yes, i did just quote mean girls. And i apologize. But it holds true. Sometimes you're the poison, some times other people are poison. You can't make everyone like you. Some people just won't. It is not worth it to harm yourself in your efforts to win approval. Forget that. If they don't know how awesome you are, then it's their loss.

Enjoy the friends you have. Love the life you live <3

Sometimes you need to roll down the windows and scream out the lyrics to your favorite song. Sometimes you need to dance around your room with your suite mate. Sometimes you need to blow up a friends phone with text messages, forget the paper and go get ice cream, or curl up in a ball and watch a Weeds marathon while trying to force yourself to do homework

Sometimes...it's the little things that make it better.
<3

My Earliest Memory

I think something traumatic may have happened to me as a child, because i really dont have any clear memories until i was about 6. I have some sensory memories. I remember the feel of the plastic that covered the chains on the monkey bars at daycare. I remember the scrape of the concrete on my legs when we had to sit on the sidewalk outside. I remember the smell of the cedar tree in my grandmas yard that i used to always get stuck in. i remember begging my parents to take my brother back to the hospital..but eventually i fell in love with his tiny crying self. I remember my lion king bedroom slippers. I remember shuffling them across my hardwood floor because they were so furry and slippery. i remember going to my some unknown distant relative who was about a hundred years old's house in the middle of nowhere and thinking it was so cool that i could ride my bike all over the place and run around barefoot because i could never do that in charleston. I remember sea shells and rolly pollys and i had strange obsession with collecting both. I remember failing at piano lessons for years...but my daddy used to play catch with me while we waited for my brother to finish his lesson and so it was always worth it. I remember getting swimmers ear at least once a week for an entire summer. I remember getting lice so many times in the second grade that i wished the girl behind me would shave her head so she would stop bringing that crap back to school, but she was one of my best friends so i never said anything. I just sat there as my mom put the nasty bottle of RID on my hair yet again.

Deviation

So I am still in the game, I have managed to update every day this month. I am just skipping todays topic again. Because they are all starting to overlap and if you guys dont know of any place I would like to go/visit/live...then you dont know me anyway.

A had a few very bad days this week. Well, two very bad days. And it has led to some self-reflection.

What happened was that I was going through a rough time and got some bad news. I dont like sharing my problems with people really, but i like them to be around. They dont necesarily have to say anything I just like the support. And at the beginning of the week i was feeling super lonely.

One of my problems is that i expect people to act in a way i would act, I hold them to the same standard i hold myself, and not everyone thinks or reacts the same way, and this sometimes upsets me.

This works against me in two ways. One, I often have unrealistic expectations for people. If someone asks me to do something, unless what I am doing is drastically important, I will drop it in order to help them out. You need food, done. A ride, alright. Help with homework...ok. I usually dont mind helping people out because in my mind i believe they will return the favor. And they do, just not always when i would like them to. If I really want/need someone i get upset when they are unable/unwilling to help me. I might not make it sound like a big deal, but sometimes it feels like one. I feel like if i drop everything for you, i deserve the same. But not everyone has that mindset. And that is ok. So what if I dont have anyone to go on a food run, stay up late to study with or just hang out when i am feeling lonely. It's not the end of the world. People are busy. I know (or at least think i know) that when i REALLY need them, they will all be there for me.

On the flip side I often try to treat people the way i would like to be treated in a situation and get a little upset if they are unappreciative. I have to remember that not everyone appreciates the same things i do and not everyone shows appreciation in the same way.

It's kind of like that love language thing. It's been a few years since i heard this, but i think it's something like: touch, time, presents, words...and something else i dont remember...and i'm just going off on tangents now anyway.

The point is, even when i am feeling ignored I have to remember that i have some of the best friends i could ever ask for, and even when we dont see eye to eye on some things, that doesnt mean that they dont appreciate me, or that i dont appreciate them.