Health care bill past
it will supposedly go into effect in 4 years
but taxes hit sooner than that
i, for one, can't afford higher taxes
neither can my family

and that's all i have to say about that....

appeasing Sjaan

so i was told to update
which i would do more regularly IF i actually had proof someone read this
but seeing as how no one leaves comments i just kind of update when i feel the urge and since i have been sick the past few days i havent really had the desire...
I get sick every time i come back to florence.
I am allergic to SC and especially florence. But my body figures out how to work through it after a week or so

So what's happened since school got out

*I've watched a TON of christmas movies. i love them. not going to even pretend on that one. hallmark christmas movies are super cheesy and totally rock
*my mom put up a christmas tree. by HERSELF without me begging. haha see there is hope for everyone
*i worked in ms stacie's first grade for two days.
*We made placemats for a local nursing home. some of them are gorgeous. i was super excited :D
*Went to the Julia Christmas party. havent worked there in 3 years, still a big fan of quite a few of those people. Most people ditched early, but some of us stayed for hours. i mean how long can you really stay at a pancake house? i think 4 hours was pushing it
*i think that may be where i contracted the sickness. at least thats what taylor believes
*almost froze my fingers off working Movie on the Lawn. Polar Express outside in 35 degree weather? yuck. 3 hours serving hot chocolate..not too bad i guess
*back at the MACK pretty cool
*back at the theater...i miss the crazy hectic-ness. the busier it is, the more i like it
*I want to see Avatar (thought I'd throw that in there) actually SOOOO many movies i need to catch up on BUT
*I have no idea when my next day off is :/

Oh well. trying to save up money this is my goal: West Virginia, Mexico, Random Road Trip (i'll figure it out), Europe (Spain?!?), California!

Those are my travel plans for the next two years

AAAAANNNNNDDDD

Sjaan, this is my update just for you.
I love you lots and miss you like crazy
send good vibes my way
i'm going to need them as i fill my lungs with toxic popcorn air

and for everyone else, have a cup of peppermint hot chocolate and crawl back into bed
what else is christmas break good for?

why i love exam week

Today I:


Slept in





totally rocked my music exam...heck yes






Danced on bubble wrap..yeah we did :D


had a crazy dance party...oh you'll never know



Blew bubbles :)




and colored with sidewalk chalk

And now I am having movie night with my roomie and suitemate

It has been a fantastic day

So i am really mad at myself
because i am having this split personality thing
almost like there are two totally different people arguing in my head
and no, i'm not one of those people...thanks for your concern :/

You see, there is this person
and i think i give them more credit than i should
because i love hanging out with them
and they make me laugh
it's always lots of fun
and i care a lot about what they think
maybe too much...
because it seems like they rarely have anything good to say
and when they make offhand comments or insults it hurts
probably more than it should
and definitely more than it would if anyone else had said it
because i put way to much stock in what they think
Obviously

So part of me wants to forget it
and do what Hope told me to do
and say suck it up, get over it
because really i shouldn't care that much
and if they wanted to be good friends
or something more
than they would put some effort in
right??
then another part of me thinks that if i could just improve
or do better than maybe i could gain approval
and that's why i get mad at myself
I shouldnt let myself get so insecure
People that make you feel bad about yourself
are not worth your time

So easy to say
so hard to practice

stress

So i only have one more day of classes and two exams between me and christmas break. so i shouldnt be this stressed right? No...it's getting worse
Next semester i have to take 21 credit hours. that's not the problem. the problem is paying for them. i thought they were 300 dollars for the ones over 18. but turns out it is 600 dollars. That is 1800 dollars!! i have 1200 dollars in combined refund checks, that STILL leaves 600.

why does it cost that much? that is insane. no wonder so many students do not graduate on time. i cannot affor to be a semester behind. i also cannot tell my parents, who also cannot afford the 600 dollars. Oh and to top it all off, i have to pay for summer classes too

You know what that means? The money i am making over winter break that i was planning on saving for my senior trip to europe. not happening, the saving that is. Hopefully the trip still will.

Keeping my fingers crossed Morgan.

And i have to do my teaching fellows project proposal. like SOON. This week

Yuck

sad thanksgiving

So i didnt get the thanksgiving miracle i was asking for. My dog died Thursday night. Well technically my brothers dog, but she was his in name only seeing as i am sure we care for both equally. I didnt think it would hit me hard seeing as i have been away from home for almost three years now and only get to spend a few months total with the dogs over a course of the year...but it did.

My dad was optimistic when he told me about her accident a little over a week ago. She had been hit by a car and taken to the vet, but the vet seemed pretty sure she would recover. She looked like she was doing well but Thursday night she had some difficulties breathing. turned out there was some internal damage that was overlooked. She didnt make it through the night.

My dad has always claimed that the dogs belonged to me and my brother and that he would never get attached to them. But it wasn't true. Thursday night was the first time i remember seeing him cry openly. And you might think she was just a dog, and yeah...she was. But we miss her. I miss her.

My other dog seems at a complete loss. They were sisters, and havent spent a day apart in the last 4 years. I hope she makes it out okay. Two more weeks and i will be home to look over her.
Not the best thanksgiving...hopefully christmas will be an improvement.

just thinking....

-Watching movies with friends is always a great end to a day
-It's really hard to be sad when you are concentrating hard on something else
-It's hard to be sad when you are helping someone else
-most drinking songs where obviously written while completely intoxicated
- How much a simple act of kindness can change someone's life.
- It is impossible to keep up with texts, messages, emails etc. sometimes wonder if it's worth trying
- all public places should have more trash and recycle bins.
-How bad it must hurt to be alone, especially on holidays
- how much i love shopping at thrift stores and yard sales
- Jodi Picault books make plane rides go much faster
- How much an old, cheesy song from middle school can make you smile.
- How much negative energy effects you.
- I am really excited to go back to my parents house and eat some real food, but soon after i get there i will revert back to my old ways of cereal and micro waved burritoes...yumm
- I wish i had to willpower to turn down chocolateor any dessert for that matter...
-how absolutely amazing fresh pineapple isor any fruit. so much better when it is right off the tree/bush fresh
-how good i have gotten at procrastinating when the actual task would take hardly any time at all
-how useless and wasteful procrastinating is..
.-how stupid name brands are
- How stupid racism and homophobia is.
- How simple and worthwhile it is to make someone smile.
- How awesome it is to laugh until you cry.
- How much I love my job
-how lucky i am to have not one, but two jobs, in this economy
-how i am going to keep working even through the bad days because you cant take things for granted
- How no past thing should poison future happiness.
- How wonderful it is to be loved, all flaws included.
- How much I love movies.- How much I love books.
- How frustrated I get with stupid, commercialmovies and books
- How nice it is when a girl is beautiful and she is genuinely nice
- How hurtful it is to be wrong, when relying on trust and faith.
- How much women are raised to hate themselves and the horrible consequences.
- How absolutely wonderful it is when women are loving and supportive of other women.
- how much i suck at keeping in contact with people
- How friends can sustain you and love you anyways, even when you are tired and grumpy to them.
- How much I despise criminals, even petty shoplifters
- I love black and white photographs
-i hate the concept of dog breeding and dog shows
- How much and how often, i really want to run away and hide somewhere
-i am so glad my roommate is such an easy going person, and way more organized than i will ever be
-how a simple smell or taste can take you all the way back to childhood
-how easily addicted i can become to certain books, television shows, exercise, and songs..
-how much i love NCIS and how much i hate that ZIva is changing from an awesome ninja chick who didnt care what others thought to a total westernized make-up plastered, hair straightened, no accented version of her former self. i miss Ziva
-how i would love to hang out with Pauley Perrette for a day. and not creeper-ish. more like hey let's drink beer and talk about books while we laugh at the dogs running around the house...because she seems like the kind of person that would like that. Except i dont like beer...if she had wine we would be good to go...
-except that i might be a nervous wreck if i ever got to talk to her, which is silly. the whole concept of celebrities is silly
-how much people would benefit if they stopped being compulsive shoppers, how much money they would save and how much good they could do with that money
-how much i adore christmas
-aaand i need to write my art papergood night random thoughtsi will pick you back up again at another time

so today i bought a scarf
and it's my new favorite thing
warm and soft and the perfect shade of blue

it was more than i normally spend on a single article of clothing
but for once, i could afford it, so why not?
i immediately felt guilty about it

but then found out it was hand made in ecuador
and the proceeds from the sale
go to help women in other countries start their own bussinesses

so, i have a perfect new scarf
and nothing to feel guilty about

:)

oops

so have you ever been so enthralled by a person that they begin to embody more of an idea then an actual person?

Maybe that's just me...but it happens

Like when I really look up to a certain person and i talk about how amazing they are, and blog about something they said and make comments to the effect that i read/watch everything they produce...

yeah i sometimes forget that they are an actual person and if they ever come across such information it could make me seem like a giant creeper

oh well

:)

what are the odds?
and life goes on....

think i am allergic to SC

or maybe just Columbia
I felt fantastic all week
(Had an absolute blast inn DC)
But as the plane started to descend into Cola
My heard started hurting
And the shoulders and back tensed up again
Fail
How many weeks until Christmas?

Oh, Oh! This was the first year i have EVER dressed up for halloween. I know, a little slow on the uptake there, but it was a lot of fun. And we saw some very interesting characters on the metro.

good times
good times

going to DC :)

I am getting so stressed
And even when i'm not consciously stressed
I can still tell because my shoulders start hurting ferociously
and i start popping tylenol like m&ms

I am worried about my class schedule
Not about all the classes i am going to have to take,
Which is a pretty ridiculous amount to be honest
But about the fact that if even one class doesnt fall right into place
I will not graduate on time

How did i get that far behind? I decided to have a minor
Isnt that ridiculous? Apparently edu majors arent supposed to want
to do anything but teach. shame on them for having other interest
such as spanish. why spanish? how helpful is that...

Anyway, going to DC today! Got all of my stuff packed into a carry-on bag
Which will make Dr. Z proud
Giving a presentation, which given all of the above circumstances I feel i am ready for
Staying in a nice hotel in a cool city
Get to see Miranda!
And hang out with the suite
and hopefully relax
taking the advil...just in case

So here's the thing I pretty much love NCIS

And, i love how when you google image search NCIS

it says did you mean "Pauley Perrette?"

Because I am quite a fan of hers too

and Michael, Cote, Mark, Sean, Holly...you get the idea

But especially Pauley's





Ok...so don't judge me BUT


I also like NCIS fanfiction (ok this is me dodging the rocks being thrown)

but, although yes, most of it sucks..some of it is pretty good



I really like this part from a Gabby fic.

(and yes, Gabby would be a Gibbs/Abby ship..
i know, not my thing either,
but i am trying to be open minded here and I really like this part)

: She shrugs. “The people I fall for… I mean, full-on, no-holds-barred, swept out to sea kinda love… They’re tempestuous, they’re driven, and they’re unattainable. And as long as I keep quiet, they’re too caught up with their own lives to notice the way I feel about them.”
After a brief pause, she sighs and steps away from the boat, a little unsteady but not quite drunk. “So I stick to what they’re comfortable with. But hey, I’m a great friend…”

As she walks past him, she reaches out for the bourbon he’s holding. He tightens his grip on the bottle at the same time she does, and she jerks to a halt, scowling up into his face with an anger that’s misplaced.

Abby tries to yank the bottle from his grasp, but he’s stronger. “You’re cutting me off? I’m not even one drink past tipsy!”
“Tell me who you’re mad at, and I’ll let go.”
“I’m mad at you!” Her tone insinuates that it should be obvious.
“Why?”
Abby rolls her eyes. “Because it’s my birthday, and you’re denying me my God-given right to drink myself into oblivion if I want to?”

:) someone writes her well

in a nutshell

1. I love Mexican food
2. i have probably worked at a movie theater for far too long
3. But it's ok, one day i am going to be a teacher
4. The people i admire most in this world, are probably the ones who would never guess it
5. Christina is going to take me parasailing ;p ok..maybe not, but one day i will go
6. I love roadtrips....actually...i love driving
7. I suck at emotional things..and cheering people up (i try to blame it on military parents...dunno if that works) ...but i will always listen if someone needs to talk
8. i love pictures of scenery and architecture
9. I sometimes wish my life had a soundtrack. i think it would be both amazingly awesome and horribly annoying at the same time
10. i quote movies that many people have never seen...
11. I like dancing...salsa, ballroom, line dancing, and dancing around just being silly. BUT club dancing where you are expected to look sexy is something i cannot really pull off
12. I prefer bars to clubs...always have....the atmosphere tends to be more low key
13. i love traveling...but i REALLY love coming home after a long trip
14. I'm not sure where home is anymore...my house is feeling much more like my parents' now that i'm not there too often
15. I like it when someone plays with my hair
16. I am a hopeless romantic and a determined realist. Yes, those clash. A LOT

*~*~*~*~*

so it's a rather large nutshell

1. i'm childlike, but not childish. It comes from having a wide eyed wonder of the world and being fascinated by simplest things
2. i love being active, especially outdoors: Kayaking, hiking, running, climbing, sperlunking...yay
3. I love my younger brother. Yes, he's immature and rude. I can say that, but i reserve the right to become very defensive if you say it.
4. Even though I was born and raised in SC, I have been told several times that i have no traceable southern accent. ie: i pronounce words the way they should be pronounced :) plus, i refuse to say the word "ya'll". The only thing that is a dead give-away is my use of the phrase "gonna bust your tail" meaning.."you're going to get hurt"
5. I was raised on 60's and 70's music. I didnt realize there was anything else until middle school :0
6. I think i am incapable of holding grudges. I mean in twenty years I've had plenty of reasons to rack them up, but I can't do it...nor do i want to.
7. For some reason I am harder on myself then I am other people. Although i dont hold grudges, i usually feel it justifiable that someone has one against me.
8. If i see something I love, i will more than likely share it with someone else. I'd rather give it away and share the happiness then keep it to myself.
9. I am really bad about keeping in touch with people. I find most relationships and friendships to be very fluid things. The way i see things, just because we havent talked in a couple years doesnt necessarily mean we arent friends, just that we lost contact. If someone calls me and needs help, it doesnt matter if i talked to them yesterday or four years ago, I'll be there.Whitney has been my friend longest of all, and it's because she accepts the fact that we sometimes drift in and out...but we'll always be there for each other
10. I don't date. Not that I won't, just that i don't. I'm kind of waiting for something special, that "aha!" moment. Don't tell me they dont happen. I know they do :)
11. I've been in love
12. i dont want to get bored with life, to keep it interesting i am always trying to learn/ try new things. For instance: wake boarding, parasailing, oragami, ishanryu, kickboxing, cooking lessons, salsa lessons, traveling (next i want to learn how to drive a motorcycle, and blow fire...not simultaneously)
13. i love traveling, but it's not about the places i see, but the experiences i have. I could tell you about the pyramids, the reefs and whatnot. But i'd rather tell you about the time i took dance lessons with a guy that didnt speak/understand any english and we laughed a lot and somehow came out of it pretty good friends. Or about the time i went street luging at Santa Monica blvd (and got pretty beat up), or when i learned how to skimboard in the pacific ocean. Or the time we crashed a wedding in Mexico because we were trying to escape the rain
14. I dont get scared often, but driving past an 18 wheeler on the interstate is a personally terrifying experience...every time
15. I need both the big city and the absolute country in my life. It's like yin and yang to me. I dont feel complete without either, and would never be able to fully give up either of them. I need dirt roads, bon fires, horses and empty fields. Skies that go on forever and millions of stars at night. I need tall buildings, street vendors, live music on the street corners and everything available at your fingertips. I need them both.
16. I work with children. Almost everything i do revolves around them. I find something so refreshing about being around them, like the world might not be as bad as i think it is, that there is always a chance of renewal, and innocence
17. But often working with children breaks my heart and i realize that when i take off my rose colored glasses, they arent as innocent as they should be. They have often been hurt, damaged, scarred and scared. Which leades me to...
18. I want to be a childrens advocate...in some shape. Havent quite figured that out yet
19. I'm also looking into the peace corps
20. My dad has this affinity for estate sales and flea markets...which he passed down to me
21. I have a deep appreciation for the 80's. The 90's were pretty cool too. So far, 2000 has produced nothing i find amazing (aka the music and television is horrid).
22. I really want to be fluent in spanish. I want to one day be an ESOL teacher. Maybe....whatever i end up doing, i want to make a positive difference in the world....
23. I would love nothing more than to take time off and travel...anywhere and everywhere, and write about my travels, and take pictures. and write a book. i have so many things i want to do that i will probably never decide and will be one of those 63% of the population that change careers at least 3 times in their lifetime
24. I met one of my best friends about two years ago. Several people..one inparticular... thought we would "fall in love"...and in a small way, i guess we did. Just not the way that was expected. :)25. I have a thing for movie theaters, everytime i go somewhere new i check out the theaters...i also LOVE film projection. i dont know why. I appreciate a digital picture. But i will be heartbroken when film becomes obsolete. I feel like it takes some of the magic away.
26. I'm a liberal conservative. Not the other way around. It might not make sense, but its the closest thing i can come up with. I dont like labels anyway...
27. One of the best/worst compliments I've gotten is "You're too smart to be a republican" =) haha i love my friends...plus, I'm not strictly republican.
28. I want someone to go parasailing with me
29. I am a very passionate person when it comes to what I think is right. I love to protest and will jump at any opportunity to say what I believe
30. I go to an all-womens college and I love it. I can't imagine wanting to go back to co-ed education. I spent some time at FMU, and was reminded why i appreciate it here so much

sometimes i kind of feel like this...

like i was meant for more. I can see it, but can't quite get to it. Sometimes i love my life, and sometimes i want something else...





"How do you wait on heaven, who has that much time? How do you keep your feet on the ground, when you know, you were born to fly?" SE

"The summer air was heavy and sweet
You and I on a crowded street
There was music everywhere, I can see us there
In a happy little foreign town
Where the stars hung upside down
A half a world away, far far away
I remember you were laughing
We were so in love, we were so in love
And the band played song's that we'd never heard
But we danced anyway
We never understood the words
And we danced anyway"

what do you believe in?

I believe in laughing. I believe in quick naps. I believe in good books, music you can dance to and bonfire weather. I believe in the importance of an education. I believe in social justice. I believe everyone is created equal, but not everyone is the same. Respect the differences. I believe friends can last forever. I also believe there is a reason some dont. I believe mistakes are in the past. People mess up, people change. Let them prove it to you. I believe i am sometimes a hypocrite. It's unintentional. i believe in love...all kinds. I believe long walks, long drives, and long runs can help ease the pain. I believe in you. i believe in me. I believe in recycling, in exercising, and in leaving everything a little better than you find it. i believe in appreciating simple things. I believe in kissing, i believe in smiling and i believe in living without inhibition. I believe all movies essentially have the same plot, but most are worth watching anyway. I believe in making memories, i believe that it doesnt matter how the picture turns out as long as you were having fun when it ws taken. i believe destinations are overrated, and journeys are often under appreciated. I believe in God, I believe that He is stronger than anything i will ever face. I believe in new life and i believe in butterflies.

I stand for:creativity, passion, tolerance, respect, dignity, ambition, dedication, determination, love, intelligence, education, diversity, beauty, strength, courage and confidence.

What do you believe in?

i choose love

I Choose Love ©2009

The people I used to know
Wouldn’t understand
The change in me
Not the same person I used to be
I’m done with the rules that they set up
That one way is right
And the rest corrupt
I’m letting it go
And I want to know…
Is this really the face of evil that they all fear so much?

She smiles so bright
Not giving up the fight
Rainbow flag held high
Full of pride
Because for one day, one day,
She is genuinely happy. She holds hands with the one she loves
And twirls in circles as her rainbow colored skirt flairs around her,
Her sign is simple “Always love, Hate will get you every time”.
And for once,
For once she is able to forget.
Forget how it is
How hard it is
To be different
In a state where everyone is the same
Or else
You are an “us” or a “them”
There is no “we”
But even this much does not comes free
So she pays tribute
She pays tribute to the ones that paved the way
Holding up candles
Spreading the light
Hoping to make a difference
In the darkest of nights
And she’s just one of many
I watch them
And wonder how others can condemn
When it seems so easy
So easy, to love


And then I find myself, standing under a shower of glitter
Laughing like a child
Like the child in front of me,
Who is also covered in glitter, sparkling like a treasure,
Which he is
To the woman who holds him
And he stretches out his arm to another woman standing close
And he smiles
He smiles because he hasn’t yet been told
Told that his mothers are bad
That their love is a sin
Not because they are different
But because they are, in fact,
Too much the same
And that starts the blame
The shame
A lifetime of pain
And as I watch her brush curls out of his beautiful face
A voice cuts through the celebration and seems to be directed right at me.
Yet another protestor
This one an old man waving a Bible
“Heaven or hell," he asks
"Do you choose heaven or hell?!”
This is the test.
But looking around I am finally sure
“Love,” I said,
“I choose love.”

~Jennifer Rose

*Rough draft aka I need feedback*

Break

by PauleyP

I catch my reflection
In the bottom of my coffee cup.
Yup, I'm fucked.
Eyes of sugar and caffeine
staring back at me.
What do they mean?
What did you mean to be by now?
Only God knows how
you made it this far.
Through bars and cars
and what is the point
suicides and landslides
The endless why why whys
pins and needles continue to infect
the reject
to project and spread the never ending dread
a wallflower's longing for a dance of the dead
party hats and fancy gowns thrown on the ground
as a foot path laid to the bed that you made
wishing it was a cradle
you curl into a ball
pretend you are small and try hard to dream
of fairies and kings in a land of beauty and grace
to wake up to face
you're not small at all
but big and fumbling
along a long road of whys in a kitchen of spies
as you fill up your cup again

- pauleyp.


i love, love, love her style
I miss writing.
one day i will write again
cathartic exorcism
for her
and for me

innate compassion?

“Is it not common sense that it is unjust to treat people this way and that we as thinking human beings should instinctively know better?”

I feel like this comment is an example of individual perspective. You say that it should be “instinctive” and that it is common sense to treat people with respect, but at the same time, you only know better, because you were taught better. In many places around the world, for that matter many places around the US, there are “second class citizens”. People who do not have the same rights, because we, as a collective whole decided they do not deserve them because they are different. Apparently, it is not instinctive. Or, maybe the opposite is true. Maybe it is instinctive, maybe it is not something we are taught, but something we are condition out-of.

There is a famous experiment that was done by a third grade teacher in the 80’s called “A Class Divided” you can find it on Youtube if you would like. This teacher decided that she would teach her class about prejudice in a hands-on way. She told her students that they were going to help her with an experiment, then divided her (all-white) class into two groups: brown eyes and blue eyes. She told the brown eyed children that they would have to wear collars all day so they could be easily recognizable at a distance. She then proceeded to tell her students that it has been proven that blue eyed children are smarter and better behaved than brown-eyed children and because of this, they would receive extra privileges. Blue eyed children would get longer recess, they would be served more food at lunch and they would get longer to complete assignments. Brown eyed children would always have to stand in the back of the line, could no longer use the water fountain, and were not allowed to play with the children with blue eyes. At the end of the day the teacher said she watched in amazement as wonderful, sensitive and intelligent children turned in to monsters right in front of her eyes. They teased each other, insulting one another’s intelligence and manners. They would not share, they very made hurtful remarks. She said by the end of the day it was as if some of the students had forgotten it was, in fact, an experiment and honestly had begun to believe they were better.

I know I went off on a tangent, but I think that the point I was trying to make is that it does not really matter if compassion for others is innate or not, if that compassion is not nurtured.

Things I Hate

1) When people voice their opinions when they are ignorant of a subject matter.
~It is not always a horrible thing to be ignorant of a particular subject, but if you are, keep your mouth shut. Spewing nonsense that cannot be backed up just makes you look uneducated and infuriates those around you~

2) People who have the time and resources to help others, but don’t
~Self explanatory, stop being so selfish~

3) The fact that so many people milk the welfare system
~There are many people who genuinely need the help, people who cannot get back on their feet by themselves, but are trying to get by. This system was designed to offer TEMPORARY support to those who need help, it is not lifetime care. However, with the economy like it is now it is becoming even harder, near impossible for people to work their way back up~

4) The fact that certain people feel they have the right to take money from people who earned it honestly. *cough* insane tax increases *cough*
~Yes, it would be fantastic if everyone was willing to donate part of their money to charity, so they could help those who NEED the money, but it is THEIR money, they should be allowed to decide what to do with it~

5) Name brands/Designer clothes/bags/glasses etc.
~ The fact that people are willing to drop $100 dollars or more on one article of clothing or one accessory blows my mind. The reason behind all the money is to get someone’s name or emblem displayed…so essentially you are paying them to advertise for them. Is that not completely backward? Admittedly that while most designer items (especially purses) are atrocious, there are occasional attractive pieces WHICH you can find replicas of 80% cheaper. You know how much you could do with that 80%?

6) Littering
~it just means you are lazy. Do not do it~

7) Breeding dogs
~There are far too many dogs without good homes for me to, in good conscious, think that it is acceptable to keep forcing dogs to mate. Then you get these pure-bred dogs, which in reality, have no real superiority over any other dog and you are trying to sell them for hundreds of dollars. When said dogs do not sell they end up at the already over crowded humane society where they force other dogs out to be euthanized. Why not accept a dog that loves you, no matter what they breed. It does not make them any less of a dog, or any less amazing~

8) Reality Shows full of senseless drama

9) Secret Life of the American Teenager
~Fifteen year olds are too young to be having sex…I think that was the concept this show was going for. They miss their mark. It instead seems to be glorifying casual relationships and buying into the belief that teenagers have no self-control.

Next Weekend

My family is going to the beach
Girls night out
Mom, grandma
cousins and aunts
I am not going. Staying on campus
Because it is Pride weekend
And that gets my full attention
:)
Whitney is coming down
And we are going to watch Milk
And perhaps Rent
As we eat a ton of junkfood
And work on our
Rainbow colored posters

Girls night in?
Oh yes
And the party is on Saturday
in the park
Can't wait

scratch beginnings 2

So the book is an interesting read, but i am going to have to read it much more thoroughly. I read it through quickly, as a work of fiction, liking the concept and not really taking into account everything i should.

i am reading it again, much carefully and am prepared to pick it apart. This could get fun

making justice equitable

Another discussion in LA class. A little less intense than ones past...no one ended up in tears and the yelling did not have other professors begging us to shut our door, but the questions and discussion brought up was still thought provoking.

The main question was
Is Justice Relative?

Many people in the class said yes, they believe it is.
I do not

I can't believe that justice is relative and fluctuates depending on where you are and who you are. I am not able to wrap my mind around the fact that it is ok in Sudan for a woman to be beat as punishment for wearing pants. Or, in some countries it is still considered alright to stone a woman for getting pregnant out of wedlock.

i know these are customs and are deeply rooted in culture, but i cannot accept them as "just". justice in my mind is when the punishment fits the crime, and both of those cases are too extreme.

I am ingrained with the belief that "all men (and women) are created equal" and that means that in order for us to decide what is just we have to set aside all of our beliefs and prior knowledge or any one person or one situation.

We have to start with a blank slate, or as said in class, behind a veil of ignorance.

We have to forget whether a person is male or female, the color of their skin, the country they are from, and their socio-economic background. We have to disregard any education they may or may not have had, the jobs they hold, the place they live.

Because it is absolutely impossible to NOT take into account all of those factors, i believe it is impossible for true justice.

I do not think that justice is relative, but i may believe that justice is an impossibility. That is quite a sombering conclusion.

War Drobe

Can't claim it. Written by Pauley P.
i think it has been said: i am quite a fan


***
I can't find my brave face.
I know it was around here somewhere.
I'm searching, sifting through the masks of brokeness, tear stained and scared
which are beckoning me to don them and go face the world shattered.

I can't find my coat of armor.
I know it was around here somewhere.
I'm searching, sifting through a rack full of cloaks of many colors with hearts sewn on their sleeves worn threadbare
which are beckoning me to don them and go chilled numb into the world in tatters.

I can't find my well heeled shoes.
I know they were around here somewhere
I'm searching, sifting through a pile of ones I can not fill
and those that the journeyhas worn soulless which are beckoning me to don them to walk out on shaky ground, rattled.

And I can't find my hat to shield me from the downpour,
and I can't find my gloves that cease the wringing of my hands,
I can't find the muffs that cease the ringing in my ears.
I can't find the keys to the car to drive me far away from here.

I can't find the X on the map to know this path is exact,
can't even find the map at all, and there's no writing on the wall.

So I remain, naked, barefoot, lost, wondering what is the cost of what mattered.

~PauleyP

Do you believe that...

Every person has the right to live healthy, productive lives?

And, if you do, what are you willing to sacrifice to make sure that becomes a possibility.

**That was the topic for LA discussion today. Well, the opening topic. We, of course, took many tangents and side streets during our hour and half discussion. I know i will have a love/hate relationship with this class, but so far i am loving it.**

I am becoming less afraid of controversy. Actually, I am doing a good part in stirring it up. But also a good deal of listening.

The class today raised many good points.

What are you willing to give up for others to live a healthy productive life?

Your time, your money, your happiness? When does your right to be happy and productive become a priority over someone elses right to be..?

I made the point that you had to secure yourself before you can be responsible for taking care of someone else. Think airplanes here...secure your own emergency mask before helping someone else. That however does not mean you should live excessively while allowing others to fall behind.

Many, many thoughts to ponder and write about and think through before i post any more ramblings on here. just wanted to open that up.

thank god

my air broke today
for those that know me
this is kind of a big deal
i like it on the cold side

I was complaining to myself
about the fact the air was broken
and i missed dinner
so i was hot and hungry
all around cranky

When it hit me
And i felt like such a spoiled brat
If you ask my friends
If i am spoiled
the answer would be no
Or at least i am pretty sure it would be

But here i am complaining about air
and missing one meal
When there are people out there
(and not even far away, right down the road)
Who are literally starving
who have no home
forget the air

Thank you God
for my school
my room
my bed
the fact that i know i will get a meal in the morning
shoot the fact that i could easily go get one now

Things i take for granted every moment
Thank God

Hollywood UMC

I want to go
next time i am in LA, i will visit this church
I am not sure why the pull is so strong
but i feel it is a place, a pilgrimage maybe?

I want to go.

Want to know something great?
I just discovered on their website
I can listen to their sermons.
I think that is amazing.

I have not found a church here.
I havent.
But i am looking
Maybe half heartedly...

HUMC is doing a series of sermons on movies
I love movies.
And they are choosing movies that most churches
would never, ever touch.

Saved?
Milk? ( love this movie)
Gran Torino? (excellent)
Rachel Getting Married?

And i can listen to the sermons
at home
until i get the opportunity
to return to LA and visit this church
Which is just something
I feel i should do

Fear

Are you scared of the dark
Are you afraid they’ll break your heart
Are you afraid you’ll lose yourself
Are you afraid of your own hell?

Are you scared to lose
Are you afraid to choose
Are you afraid you’ll win
Are you scared of your own sin?

Are you scared to forgive
Are you afraid to live
Are you afraid to die
Do you think it's all a lie?

To live
When you think you’re dying
To laugh
When you feel like crying
To stand
When you think you’re gonna fall
It’s just fear after all I

Are you afraid you’ll be alone
Are you scared to pick up the phone
Are you scared of the past
Do you think that you might crash?

Do you think you’re in too deep
Are you afraid to sleep
Are you scared there’s no stability
Are you afraid of your own fragility?

To mend
When you’re think you’re breaking
To strength
When you know you’re shaking
To pray
When your back’s against the wall
It’s only fear after all

Are you scared of the end
Are you scared to begin
Are you scared of the start
Do you think they’ll break your heart

It’s only fear
The only fear is fear itself
The only fear is fear itself

~Pauley P.

Free Store

So I only made it to the campus free store once last year.
But hopefully I will stopping by more frequently.

I think it is a great idea. Turn in items you no longer use, so they can find a home with someone who needs them.
Almost like a co-op. Coming together to share resources. That such a beautiful idea.

I found lots of childrens books and puzzles for my classroom :)

And because I hate paying full price for ANYTHING I was thrilled to find two skirts from new york and company, which i love. I love skirts.

I am pretty happy right now.

Scratch Beginnings

Fantastic Fantastic book.

Well i cannot say that for sure, seeing as i have not completely finished it, but what i have read so far is fantastic. Adam Shepard leaves his old, comfortable life behind, takes only 25 dollars and starts over with practically nothing in search of the "American Dream".

Intro:

"I am frustrated with the whining and the complaining. Frustrated with the lethargy and lack of drive that seems to be overcoming a younger generation inparticular.
I am really, really frustrated with the poor attitudes that seem to have swept over my peer group. Frustrated with hearing "I don't have" rather than "Let's see what i can do with what i do have."

This was written for me. I mean, i could have written this. How often do i say this very same thing? It was only last semester that i told my mom i was quitting life as i know it and becoming a nomad to travel around and live off of the money i made by freelancing photos and occasional odd jobs. I still fight back the impulse to leave and live a simpler life among simpler people.

But the author of this (hopefully) amazing book already knew i was thinking that. He anticipated my reaction would be similiar to his, so he prefaced his book

"The truth is that I wouldn't wish my experience on anyone. Go to school, find your passion, save your money, live your dreams."

that's what I am doing. That is what i am going to do.