Found an old notebook (less than a year old i guess) today while cleaning up around the dorm room. Had a few intersting thoughts in them...so...
When You're Gone:
I miss your arm around my waist
and your fingers laced with mine
I miss the way your thumb draws circles on my hand
And the way my curves fit perfectly in yours as i move closer to lay my head on your shoulder
I miss your light touch as you absent mindedly play with the bracelets on my wrist
And the way i get so nervouse when i dont know what to say
I miss the way your smell lingers even after you leave
and when you're gone i wonder how it can hurt so much
to miss something you never had
A Little About Paradoxes
You run until it hurts, so that you can't feel the pain
You want so bad to love, but yet you push it all away
You hide by yourself so that you don't feel alone
You want someone to call, but you won't pick up the phone
You'll never say the words that may finally seal the deal
You just stand back hoping that somehow wounds will heal
And a random rant....
[insert name here] is driving me crazy
scratch that, I'm driving myself crazy by overanalyzing everything
I'm not one of those girls
I hear the voice in my head..it's one of those paranoid whiney ones
The echo of every girl i have ever told to stop being so dramatic.
That's me now...
And the people that say I play mind games...
they have NO idea
hmm...i dont remember going through this angsty stage...but yet, i do. I had just forgotten about it until a few hours ago..
interesting what life does to a person.
Saturday, March 6, 2010
Thursday, March 4, 2010
finances and BS
For some people, this is quickly becoming old news. However, for me, it is still new and I am still trying to work through it and I like to write my feelings out. Apparently the high school that I graduated from is soon to be no longer in existence. The school is “supported” by a church who felt that it was no longer financially responsible to put money into the high school. For reasons unknown to me (they were not explained at all), they also felt it would be a good idea to “let go” the person that holds CAS together.
I am not going to get into how ridiculous it is for the church to stop supporting the school when they frivolously throw money into other activities (pretty much everyone knows and agrees with the way I feel about that), just know that it is absurd.
What I am going to say is that CAS was a safe place for me through middle school and high school. I changed schools a few times before coming to CAS in the 6th grade. I was met by a very supportive group including Mrs. Audrey and Mrs. Cecelia. These two women have been my mentors for so many years. I would love nothing more than to emulate them when I enter the “real world”. After my dad got a job working at the school, I spent even more time there. It definitely became my home away from home: before school, after school, even some weekend time was spent there.
It was a strange little school, with our own quirks: easter egg hunts, costumes parties, and lock-ins…my Senior Class trip to California was possible the best week of my life. We say it a lot, and it sounds cheesy, but we were more like family than a regular school. Everyone fought…a lot…and we got mad at each other and at the teachers, and they got mad at us. But there were strong bonds made. We knew the teachers loved us, and most of all we knew Mrs Audrey loved us.
The pastor and the board of trustees say they love the students, and they may love them in general, doing their Christian duty and loving their neighbor and all that. But I do not feel that they love the students individually. For starters they do not even KNOW the students. Mrs. Audrey knew the name of every student who attended CAS. She remembered names years later, and she always greeted students by name. She was at soccer games, basketball games and other school events even when it wasn’t necessarily a principal’s requirement. Not only have I never seen the Pastor at any extracurricular event while I was at school, I am not even certain he knows my name even though I have known him for years.
I used to return to CAS on a regular basis just to talk and hang out, because it was so much like my second home. Now I feel out of place, and if I feel this way years after I have left the school, I can only imagine how current students are feeling. I no longer feel like an alumni of Christian Assembly School. The school I graduated from was quirky and annoying and amazing, I knew the teachers and they knew me. The way it is now…it isn’t the school I know, and is no longer mine.
I do not trust the board of directors at CAC/CAS and feel that members of the school should not continue to support a board that so obviously does not support them (no one on the board, not even the pastor sends their children to the school).
I am somewhat torn between hoping it continues to succeed and hoping the administration gets what they set themselves up for…
And my sincerest sympathy to everyone who finds themselves a part of this situation.
I am not going to get into how ridiculous it is for the church to stop supporting the school when they frivolously throw money into other activities (pretty much everyone knows and agrees with the way I feel about that), just know that it is absurd.
What I am going to say is that CAS was a safe place for me through middle school and high school. I changed schools a few times before coming to CAS in the 6th grade. I was met by a very supportive group including Mrs. Audrey and Mrs. Cecelia. These two women have been my mentors for so many years. I would love nothing more than to emulate them when I enter the “real world”. After my dad got a job working at the school, I spent even more time there. It definitely became my home away from home: before school, after school, even some weekend time was spent there.
It was a strange little school, with our own quirks: easter egg hunts, costumes parties, and lock-ins…my Senior Class trip to California was possible the best week of my life. We say it a lot, and it sounds cheesy, but we were more like family than a regular school. Everyone fought…a lot…and we got mad at each other and at the teachers, and they got mad at us. But there were strong bonds made. We knew the teachers loved us, and most of all we knew Mrs Audrey loved us.
The pastor and the board of trustees say they love the students, and they may love them in general, doing their Christian duty and loving their neighbor and all that. But I do not feel that they love the students individually. For starters they do not even KNOW the students. Mrs. Audrey knew the name of every student who attended CAS. She remembered names years later, and she always greeted students by name. She was at soccer games, basketball games and other school events even when it wasn’t necessarily a principal’s requirement. Not only have I never seen the Pastor at any extracurricular event while I was at school, I am not even certain he knows my name even though I have known him for years.
I used to return to CAS on a regular basis just to talk and hang out, because it was so much like my second home. Now I feel out of place, and if I feel this way years after I have left the school, I can only imagine how current students are feeling. I no longer feel like an alumni of Christian Assembly School. The school I graduated from was quirky and annoying and amazing, I knew the teachers and they knew me. The way it is now…it isn’t the school I know, and is no longer mine.
I do not trust the board of directors at CAC/CAS and feel that members of the school should not continue to support a board that so obviously does not support them (no one on the board, not even the pastor sends their children to the school).
I am somewhat torn between hoping it continues to succeed and hoping the administration gets what they set themselves up for…
And my sincerest sympathy to everyone who finds themselves a part of this situation.
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